there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
