I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
