You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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