Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
