never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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