Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The air was thick with penises
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize