Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
