Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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