i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
