Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
