his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
