Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
