i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
