why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
