i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
