I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
