i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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