Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
