They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
