I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Sorry my hands just texted you
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
