dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
