i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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