Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
