I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
