just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
