the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Randomize
