Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
