when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
