i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Randomize
