i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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