you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
did i walk over a car last night?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize