She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
