I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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