Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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