if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
