so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize