You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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