if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Houston, we have a squirter
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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