I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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