Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
