You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Maybe he injected his testicle?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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