I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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