we have pet lesbian snakes
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize