that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think pants incapable of making pants work
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
