In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I need to sanitize my soul.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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