I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
