you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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