I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
