May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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