she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
