Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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