Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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