grandma shit on top of the toilet
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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