Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
