dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
