I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
