This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
