you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize