Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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