these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize