apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize