the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
