just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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