apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
