How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
