you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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