He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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