So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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