You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
