3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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