god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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