hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
