I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have tasted many bathrooms
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
