He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
