apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
