Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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