Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
