i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
