I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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