How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
