Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
